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Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by Gankmasterflex, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    It gets better that was another immense Knobber on one of those f'in retarded fuck nugget granny mobiles this morning swung straight out in front of me from behind a bin lorry stupid bitch had earphones in as well not a care in the world. Shame she had such a boney f'in skelator arse otherwise I would have popped the blade up on one wheel and parked it squarely between her arse cheeks.

    She probably couldn't hear anything over the sound of her vagina either was probably so vast that the flaps started clapping together so she thought she was getting applause everywhere she went...
     
  2. [quote="Gankmasterflex"
    She probably couldn't hear anything over the sound of her vagina either was probably so vast that the flaps started clapping together so she thought she was getting applause everywhere she went...[/quote]

    BEST SENTENCE EVER!!!! Hahahaha
     
  3. Red675

    Red675

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    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-surrey-26336618

    A man has been found cycling on the M25 in Surrey after an app on his phone sent him there by mistake, police said.

    Drivers saw the man on the hard shoulder near the junction with the M3 during rush hour on Tuesday morning.

    Hannah Leonard tweeted: "My usual 40 minute commute to work took an hour and a half due to a cyclist on the m25!"

    Surrey Roads Police tweeted: "Cyclist stopped and after a long conversation he has been safely removed with his copy of his ticket for £50."

    The force tweeted that the man had been looking for a shorter route to cycle home from work.

    "Phone app sent him on motorway so thought it ok," it added.
     
  4. some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce

    that is a good example of one such person
     
  5. D41

    D41

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    That's awesome...I'm sure the guy wasn't going fast, but there is nowt like blowin by some car at 60mph and seeing the look on the driver's face.
     
  6. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    Probably more like "This florescent Lycra really chaffs my minge what lube should I use?" or "Hi Fat Old Puffer from the moors here can't run much tend to roll down the hills" or maybe even "Blister blow out on my left ankle had to call the WIFE" :)
     
  7. Red675

    Red675

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    "Phone app sent him on motorway so thought it ok"

    Basically your typical 21st century moron that cant think further than the end of his mobile phone.


    Not sure awesomes a word id choose.
     
  8. I knew I recognised your writing style Nick! You're the bloke with the feather fetish and haemorrhoids that likes to run naked apart from the blacked out arai, right? :)

    I forgot London runners as a demographic of twattish road users. The charity running fascists that think that the entirety of London should be closed 365 days a year so they can have a marathon in "their city" boils my piss too. And why the balls would you run on the potholed road when there's an empty path right next to you. Overtaking a lardy jogger with fats sacs jiggling unpredictably towards your bike needs timing like Indiana Jones escaping the temple of doom. Get it wrong and it'll be like riding into a hippo that stinks of mcdonalds. If it was all fit people in that Lycra it wouldn't be so bad - distracting, but pleasingly so from an aesthetic perspective- but when you have some 18 stone whale squeezing through the pores of her over stretched, threadbare primark tights that aren't actually supposed to look like fishnets but the gravitationally challenged wearer has defied quantum physics by shoehorning her rancid, bloated carcass into them then, well, it's just not cricket. Should be a public order offence for these evolutionary cul-de-sacs to come out before darkness falls. True story: I've seen a woman matching that description who, while running, had shat her tights. Because of the strain on her "tailoring", it had squeezed out all over her, ahem, exit and left a trail down her thighs. At that point just cut your losses and jump in the traffic, praying for your family's sake that the police think you were some kind of bear with alopecia and write you off as road kill and the embarrassment is avoided.
     
  9. D41

    D41

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    "Evolutionary cul-de-sacs" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


    It is an unfortunate fact mate that not everyone is gifted with the physical perfection afforded the average Geordie male. In that aspect I am of course very lucky, being the bronzed Adonnis that I am...oh how I weep for those not as blessed as myself.
    But running?? Seriously???......Admittedly I'm pretty handy at running from guys who are bigger than me, or the cops (allegedly)....but there's no fun to be had from it. I mean, where do you run to??...and if you end up back at your house then what was the point anyway??
     
  10. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    Dude take note - [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8LLn2MoZt8[/youtube]
     
  11. Christ Gank, did your sense of humour fall off somewhere on the M25 this morning?
     
  12. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    Haha no not at all buddy just my blunt sense of humour :twisted: Apologies if I offended?
     
  13. Fair enough mate, misinterpreted it as an offer to go and fornicate with myself ;) No harm, no foul.
     
  14. Red675

    Red675

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    aww i do love a happy ending :lol:
     
  15. :lol:
     
  16. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    On another note dude if you haven't watched the film that line came from I highly recommend it! Love Honour and Obey absolute top top film!
     
  17. Never heard of it - was that Ray Winstone's dulcid tones?
    Cheers for the recommendation, will check it out
     
  18. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    It certainly was and he ad-libbed that line the film crew absolutely pissed themselves when he delivered it.
     
  19. Paultheother1

    Paultheother1

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    On another note dude if you haven't watched the film that line came from I highly recommend it! Love Honour and Obey absolute top top film![/quote]


    I agree, quality British film, has some proper funny moments, for those that have seen it.... Kathy Burke talking Italian.... Hahaha
     
  20. Gankmasterflex

    Gankmasterflex

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    Pmsl! That cracks me up that bit "Talk Italian to me baby" "oooh vidal sassoon" :lol:
     

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