675.cc • Triumph 675 Forum

Joke Of The Day...

Discussion in 'Rants & Raves' started by D41, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. tim_m295

    tim_m295

    123
    0
    0
    Location: Birmingham
    Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
    From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park.
    The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
    The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
    On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack
    of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..
    Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
    On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.



    The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
     
  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    During a recent password audit, it was found that a
    Blonde was using the following password:

    "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"

    When asked why she had such a long password, she said
    She was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
    Long and include at least one capital.
     
  3. SV_Justin

    SV_Justin

    667
    0
    16
    Location: Kent
  4. D41

    D41

    Thread Starter

    13,919
    139
    63
    Location: Orange, CA
    Hands up! - who can name ALL of the firemen in "Chigley"?? ...or "Camberwick Green" ...or the "other one"



    ..."Trumpton"!! :?: :?: :?: :?:
     
  5. Davetona

    Davetona Moderator Staff Member

    3,157
    31
    48
    Location: East Kent Coast
    Sad to say so but me!
     
  6. D41

    D41

    Thread Starter

    13,919
    139
    63
    Location: Orange, CA
    Well then?????
     
  7. pugh, pugh, barney, macgrew, cuthbert, dibble and grub...i think :D
     
  8. Davetona

    Davetona Moderator Staff Member

    3,157
    31
    48
    Location: East Kent Coast
    Spot on, cept' Barney Macgrew is one character
     
  9. D41

    D41

    Thread Starter

    13,919
    139
    63
    Location: Orange, CA
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    ...And it was; "hugh, pugh"!!



    ....When you were 5 ...Brian Cant was the man!! :lol: :lol:
     
  10. didnt know that...you learn something new everyday :D
     
  11. sorry darren, but you stand corrected.. :geek:
    http://www.t-web.co.uk/trumptmp.htm
     
  12. D41

    D41

    Thread Starter

    13,919
    139
    63
    Location: Orange, CA
    WHAAAAT????? ..always thought it was "Hugh"?? :oops:


    ...BTW, - you are a sad little shell of a man for actually researching that!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  13. kingfixer

    kingfixer

    2,045
    25
    48
    Location: bristol
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  14. :lol: i was bored :lol: :lol:
     
  15. fkkr1s

    fkkr1s Moderator Staff Member

    5,952
    149
    63
    Location: Planet Earth
    I always thought it was Hugh!!!

    Bear and a rabbit in the woods having a chat, Bear says to rabbit "hey mate when you have a crap does the s*@t sick to your fur" Rabbit looks at the bear and say "no mate no worries on that score" Bear smiles and picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.... :lol:
     
  16. kingfixer

    kingfixer

    2,045
    25
    48
    Location: bristol
    A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored,
    he turned to the little girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that
    flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
    passenger."

    The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy,
    "Okay, what would you like to talk about?"

    Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

    "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you
    a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff;
    grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
    patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
    that is?"

    The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

    To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
    nuclear power when you don't know Sh1t?"
     
  17. kingfixer

    kingfixer

    2,045
    25
    48
    Location: bristol
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.


    She says, "What's the story?"

    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
     
  18. fkkr1s

    fkkr1s Moderator Staff Member

    5,952
    149
    63
    Location: Planet Earth
  19. D41

    D41

    Thread Starter

    13,919
    139
    63
    Location: Orange, CA
    i'm in the pub when i suddenly realise.......i need to fart !!! the music is really loud, so i time my farts with the beat, after a couple of songs i start to feel better, then i realise i'm listening to my ipod
     
  20. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
    His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

    'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

    'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

    'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

    'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
    'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

    And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

    Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly& nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

    Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

    The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

    'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

    So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

    The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

    Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

    He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

    The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

    What happened?'

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning..
    ...


    Today you voted.'
     

Share This Page

Loading...
  1. By using this website you agree to our Cookies usage. We and our partners operate globally and use cookies, including for analytics, personalisation, ads and Newsletters:
    Dismiss Notice