Another 'WTF happened' thread.

So, I've been with my wife over 8 years, married for around 3. We've had one of the best years in terms of getting away and enjoying ourselves. We're the type of couple that don't argue even though we spend a ridiculous amount of time together. We also both feel able to get on and do our own things we like doing, if we both don't want to do them, and compromise where it's appropriate.

Out of nowhere last week, she was a different person. Whole family could tell. She kept saying she just felt ill but when we got home I pressed her because I could just, feel something was really wrong. I feared that she had some really bad illness she had been keeping secret or something. Then she told me she felt like she didn't want to be married anymore. A week before we had been talking about saving to buy our own house?! She tells me there isn't anyone else involved and I do believe her. She says she doesn't feel the same desire towards me that she used to. Which I get, we've been together for 8 years. We've always made an effort to keep things fresh though, and still have regular dates and things.

The thing is, she has some issues. Has suffered from depression a couple of times, and an illness which affects her hormone levels on a constant basis. When she first told me it seemed like there was no other option, it was devastating, I couldn't believe she'd kept this to herself for however long and just expected me to accept it get on with it straight away. I was suggesting the doctor, counselling etc and it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. How can someone want to throw a whole life away without trying to fix something?

She was being very childish and not talking, just agreeing. So the other night I lost my cool and exploded verbally, something she's never seen (because we get on so well...) and her attitude changed completely. She became human again and opened up more and we talked it through and she seems much more open to counselling.

Today, I don't know how I feel. I just feel like saying 'fuck it' and just getting on and sorting my life out so I can carry on independently, but then I remember how much I love her and where my life was going with her. I asked her if I had done or not done anything, she said I have been the perfect husband. Which makes it even harder to get my head around. I've seen my parents divorced multiple times, close family friends divorced etc. So much that I would have never gotten married if I didn't feel like it was certain and she said the same thing.

Sorry for the long post. Just needed to write it all down. Maybe an outsiders view would help.

 

This has to be a candidate for counseling.?

You say she has changed very suddenly, so fwiw my money is either; There is someone else.- or- Her mental instability is developing.

Good luck mate, & try to keep her family on board.

 

could it just be the winter/xmas season? i know it messes with my equilibrium
maybe just hang in there and see how things pan out after christmas, 8 years is a long time just to throw away
good luck

 

Her family is completely out of the picture for various reasons. She doesn't see them and doesn't want to.

She said she's been feeling off and on for months. We both discussed that we find winter difficult to get through though.

I honestly think it will end up being something psychological, she has a few issues that she hasn't dealt with and it's a trait for her family. I just feel like I'm in limbo waiting and I hate it. I'm the type of person that likes to have a plan and get on with it.

 

Any chance of getting away somewhere in Jan? Ive always found a week or two in the current bun works wonders when most people are back to the daily grind after chrimbo.

 

if she has had depression before and is effected this time of year, maybe she is suffering from SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

 

Oh that's really upsetting. I'm no doc, but seems to me like it's in her mind. It's near impossible to live a lie so doubt it's always been there. I reckon counselling and maybe some fluoxetine might help.

 

There is almost certainly someone else. Keep an eye on her phone. Cheating needs comms. Change is always a bad sign....if she says it's not you, it's me, there is def someone else!

 

counselling, a third party view can work wonders or a bottle or two of vino might help but stay calm

 

We've got counselling next week, so I guess I'll just see how it goes. I'm sure there isn't anyone else, she doesn't have time to see anyone else. Pretty sure it's something in her head, it's just whether or not we can get through it together or she decides to go alone. It's just really upsetting, as I'm sure everyone who goes through stuff like this will say, I can't imagine my life without her.

 

It was me that started the thread on this one. She's gone now anyway, I feel like she never had any intention of trying to sort it out. She's been out the house two weeks now, I was ok but the last couple of days have been really difficult. This weather and not being able to ride the bike doesn't help!

 

Sorry to hear this, hopefully we get some sun by end of Feb and u can focus on hobbies and fun stuff, but that's not to underestimate how tough it must be. All the best

 

Hey Ash this is hard I don't doubt that. My wife's best friend is going through the same. Things will get better and at least you have the very small consolation that you don't have kids and house ownership etc.
I know you're near me so if you fancy a bimble when it does get drier give me a shout.

 

Cheers guys, it's definitely an advantage not being tied together with a house or kids. Just don't know what to do with myself at the minute, sure it'll all work out...

Got the annual Scotland trip already booked off for work in May, usually it's lads only but everyone is bringing their oh's this year, typical!

Will give you a shout mate, would be nice to see the 1299 in action.

 

6 months time you will look back with a very different perspective I assure you!
No house or kids, you're laughing mate...
Chin up and onwards and upwards -

 

it cant have been that long surely?

 

Trust you mate! Haha.

 

Sorry to hear it... As has been said though, better this happen without kids in the mix and mortgage commitments to have to sort out - although am sure it's tricky enough divvying up the cd collection and sorting out who goes where etc.

Maybe see it as a fresh opportunity and if you had held back on doing something you wanted to before (e.g. Year of biking trips/adventures), and make that your priority to do before anyone else comes along to divert you from doing it again? Alway good to have a project too...!

 

Ash this is horrid news. Life certainly kicks you when you're down, usually till you break (but a good amount of thrash metal noise can also fill the void). I don't know if you're close to salisbury, but you're always welcome for coffee, hubbys on the tiger forum, so I'm sure you'd have something bike related to chat about. Keep smiling, you always look happy in your vids

Paradise Lost the fear of impending hell should pick you up.

 

this seems like the comment of somebody with a very jealous nature. Chuckled me up!!