Over-share time! I've always really struggled with my balance and coordination and anxiety has been a constant in my life, even at a very young age. As a kid I found riding a push bike difficult and couldn't understand how my peers managed to make it look so easy and fluid. For example, I have one particular memory of wobbling into the back of a car - that was parked and stationary at the time. As I got older and moved onto motorbikes, I again really struggled to master the basics and some things, like u-turns, I still haven't got the hang of with over 20 years of practice. I understand the theory of what I need to do, I just can't do it! I see others riding and they look so natural and relaxed, and I can't understand why I can't be like that. My balance and coordination is so poor, I have dropped numerous bikes on numerous occasions, I can't push my bikes with the side stand up for fear of toppling over, and actually, I can't even balance the bike enough to even flip the side stand up or down when standing next to it. Then when I'm on the bike, I get so overwhelmed with sensory input I'm in a constant state of anxiety. My visual and mental focus is not on what's coming up ahead of me and keeps on slipping back to the few metres directly ahead of me. And omg, the internal brain chatter just never shuts up! I thought that this was just me being crap. I thought that it was because of X, Y and Z (various health conditions). I kept on making excuses. I kept on trying to improve. I kept on failing. I threw sh loads of money into training and still couldn't get it. The levels of anger and frustration are immense. Unrelated to all of this, I've recently gone through some pretty intense assessments and have had a positive diagnosis for autism. Besides feeling like a fashion victim with imposter syndrome, this has actually given me an aha! moment and helped to explain my inability to ride well. It doesn't change anything and I will never master slow speed control or pushing a bike, but it's given me a sort of comfort that there's a reason behind my issues (not just with the riding). I'm still getting my head around the diagnosis and what it means for me. Does anyone else struggle with neurodiversity and riding, and how do you cope? Do you just accept it, or are there practical steps you take? I appreciate that we're all different - hence the diversity part of the condition - and we all act and react in our own unique ways.
Sounds like you've had a battle mate, I hope your diagnosis helps you take control of the issues it's caused you so you can enjoy more. I can share.. Don't think it will help, but you may take some comfort that you're not the only inherently faulty member on here .: When I was in my early 20's one of the people living in the same household as me was a psychology student called Bruce. He was studying for his doctorate (he simply didn't want to leave the education system, so that was how far he had strung it out to at that point). Anyway his household all became his handy sample pool, myself included. Some did gain benefit from his analysis and knowledge, and our IQ testing was literally monthly (something to do with a "time-vs-maturity changes" related project he was running). Anyway, he diagnosed me as "quite severely dyslexic". I'd never even heard of dyslexia, let alone know what it meant.! As he explained it was a "disability" & I didn't want to have to declare it, I swore him to secrecy. I can see retrospectively that it did have (has) a considerable effect on me, but I had presumably developed my own coping mechanisms by then and believed that was that.... My diagnosis has been "outed" a few times since, whenever I have had to undergo Psychometric testing , but society's attitude to diversity has changed dramatically. In my case I don't think it's affected my riding, apart from a perhaps a general inability to differentiate left from right etc,,, Hth.
How've you found being "labelled"? Have you found it helpful or has it been a negative experience for you? I'm hoping that my own new tag will be a positive thing, especially where work and college are concerned: Up until now, I feel like I'm constantly having to apologise for or explain my 'abnormal' behaviour to my colleagues and management team. With a confirmed diagnosis, I'm hopeful that will be enough and they'll be more accepting of my odd behaviour.
Well, frankly it's not something that I share much. My organisation will have it on my record, but only those with a legitimate reason to would have access. I work alongside far younger colleagues, and my perception is that any stigma is a "generational thing". Many youngsters these days seem proud & keen to declare that they are on the spectrum. It certainly no longer seems to be seen as a barrier, either by them, their peers or to progressive organisations. Last year I was working alongside a lad (20's) who was blatantly autistic. His interpersonal skills were "limited" to the point that some of the intake he came through with had shunned him initially as being hopeless. Nonetheless he had met all the requirements to be accepted, and once he had demonstrated a number of times his superior intellect and recall, even his fiercest critics changed to having respect for him & "his differences". So, despite being from a "far previous generation", I personally embrace this societal change of attitude.* * Besides, whenever anyone attempts to criticise : ( that hopeless old duffer / can't we get rid of him / it's embarrassing working with someone that old shouldn't be doing this sort of job etc etc.... ) I get to play the Ageism card from ^ that same pack.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with a relative stranger on a bike forum, especially when it's something so personal that you don't talk about much outside in the real world.
